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[19 Sep 2007|01:21am] |
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Not only am I a weirdo-magnet, I am also a Dirty Old Man magnet. What the hell did I do in my past life?!
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| Anyone want a secondhand, slightly used bestfriend? |
[29 Mar 2007|01:05am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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Don't Speak- No Doubt |
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People who don't email. People who don't call. Worse--people who don't call back.
I'm not the perfect friend. God knows I haven't texted Sheila in ages. Or Val. Or any of my batchmates from college for that matter. I haven't seen Ruth and Tere in a long while. I'm not the type to send messages to anyone everyday.
But I'm there when they need me and they know it. And I know they're there when I need them.
With Ruth or Tere or my kabarkadas or even Gloria, I don't get the feeling that I'm a drag when I decide to text or call or whatever. Even when they're busy.
I don't feel that I'm bullying them when I ask them to hang out.
They don't need to be pressured or convinced or threatened to go do something. If they want to go, they'll go. If they can't or don't want to go it's all right. I don't feel so bad when they turn me down because I know it's not personal.
And most importantly, they don't promise to do something and cancel 30 minutes after the agreed time. Or, stand me up.
It hurts to feel that you're not important to someone who's important to you. That you're a drag or you're cramping they're style.
There are at least two people involved in a friendship--that's why it's called a relationship.
... I don't know. I'm really sad that it's come to this. But I have to let go and move on. There are other, friendlier fishies in the sea.
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| Quizzes |
[11 Mar 2007|03:18pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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| Your Average American Name Is... | 
Carol Nicole Hall |
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| new userpics! |
[11 Mar 2007|03:19am] |
I made some so I thought I may as well update.
Ruthie's phone got snatched! Baddies are everywhere! Gah! It's so hard not to get paranoid.
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| I hate this girl |
[29 May 2006|06:52pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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On Insider
Katharine McPhee: hey, I remember you.
fan: ...
Kat: Are you bummed? Are you sad?
fan: ...
Kat's psychic voice commands: Say yes, say yes.
fan: ...
fan: *nod*
Kat: *tussles boy's hair* Aww. Don't be sad. I'm still a winner.
fan: ...
What a fake, pathetic loser.
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[07 Apr 2006|11:20am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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I had no idea talking about php, sql and syntax is a turn on. Go geeks.
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| Enter the Twilight Zone |
[06 Apr 2006|07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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The Freewill Horoscope is always interesting and generally dispenses useful advise. But this is so spot on I am freaked out.
TAURUS: I once knew a psychic who worked with people in comas. He contacted their spirits, which were wandering in limbo between this world and the next, and tried to convince them to either fully return to their bodies or else let their bodies die and formally exit to the other side. The task you now face is nowhere as dramatically life-and-death as that, Taurus, but it's comparable in a sense: Being neither here nor there is a futile state that you shouldn't continue to accept. Do what's necessary to make the knotty choice with as much grace as possible.
So I guess I'm going to be a teacher.
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[02 Apr 2006|01:54am] |
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mood |
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worried |
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John said something on Friday about him thinking everyone should be stable by their late 20s. By stable he meant being in the career you want and having a mid-level position.
While he was saying that I got this picture in my head of me being 28 and being an EA, and knowing that 3 years into the future, I will still be an EA, because unless someone dies, there are no other job openings in the paper.
I can't do it. 1. It wasn't the career I wanted. 2. I don't want a career. I simply cannot imagine having a single job I will have to show up for 5 1/2 days a week until I'm of retirement age. I find it hard to believe that that is how people should be spending their time on earth. Be productive, yes, be a robot, no. Part of the reason why I was so restless in school was because I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was wasting my time there. Like making me try to figure out the area of a corn field every single day until we move on to the area of a rice paddy was someone's way of conning my parents into forking out tuition so that we can all pretend to be good functioning members of society.
When John said what he said (we were conversing about a mutual experience I will keep hush-hush for now), I panicked. I was a failure! I felt I was a hairline away from "late 20s." I'm ONLY turning 24, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that fact because I tend to think I'm turning 26 instead. I feel really old, yet I haven't even discovered what it is I want to do.
I'm considering going to school, although in a different field this time. That will take 2 years. I'll be 26 by then which means I will be taking an entry-level job in a new industry when I'm practically in my dotage.
Geez. Geezer.
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| Wishywashy |
[29 Mar 2006|12:13am] |
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mood |
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 in need of wisdom or foresight |
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I found something out really late Sunday evening.
I decided on a course of action Monday morning.
John decided not to agree with me.
Got anxious. Worried a lot.
Changed my mind on Tuesday morning and thought that was it.
Tuesday afternoon, John told me he changed his mind after actually reading my email.
I got into a mad rush to complete requirements.
So now I guess we're back to the original plan.
I believe in omens, but somehow, the signals we've been getting has been mixed.
It's either serendipity and this is meant for us
or
it's a really really bad idea and all the roadblocks are telling us to run away while we still can.
I just want my future self--say, my 2010 self--to hop on a time machine, land on my front door and tell me what I should do.
Good God this is driving me nuts. Nutter.
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[21 Mar 2006|01:02am] |
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mood |
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 high- haha, what an emoticon |
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music |
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Dito Tayo Sa Dilim- Pedicab |
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We came, we did some other stuff first, then we stalked.
And wonder of wonders, HE came out of his house just as we were approaching it. But because it was 7ish and I have bad eyesight, I completely missed seeing him. Ruth and Tere said he was wearing bright yellow. How could I have missed seeing him if he was wearing bright yellow. D'oh!
Tere was hyperventilating like mad. That had to be one of my top fave moments with Tere in a car. Almost beats her thinking Patrick and Marlone were cops.
Tere: Ayan sya Mela. Ayan! Sa right! Omigod, omigod!
Me: Saan? Saan?! Di ko makita!
Tere: Sa right! Ayan Mela. Sa right!
Hahahaha. We were like this for two minutes or so. It may only have been 15 seconds, actually. I don't really know because I was confused the whole time.
I'm going to start wearing my glasses again, damnit!
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[20 Mar 2006|08:55am] |
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mood |
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emotionally crippled |
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How is it possible that I still miss you? Shite.
I'm fine, I like myself just as I am, I don't feel particularly incomplete. But then again, I'm not ok. It's all good but I wish it was better.
I wanna make this feeling go away.
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[17 Mar 2006|01:47am] |
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mood |
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confused |
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job interview tomorrow. graveyard shift. makati. no, it doesn't involve answering phones. sent my resume to other places as well.
why, oh why, oh why?
oh yeah, and the interview/exam's at 8 a.m. and it's already 2. sigh.
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[10 Mar 2006|03:06am] |
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mood |
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weird |
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I need to get out of the house and hang out with my friends. My real friends. I've been cooped up in the house too long and have been doing nothing but crocheting and sewing. It's too damn domestic. I am scaring myself. Next thing you know, I'll be *gasp* cooking! *play Twiling Zone theme*
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[25 Feb 2006|11:31pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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From the Freewill Horoscope:
TAURUS (April 20–May 20):The greatest gift you can give right now might be the gift that you yourself were never given. The most valuable service you have to offer your fellow humans may be the service you have always wished were performed for you. An experience that wounded you could and should move you to help people who've been similarly wounded. You now have the power to heal yourself by healing others.
Excellent advice as always. What I'm gonna do is make my friends feel that they're important to me. I know quite a few who need it these days.
Ruth, Sunshine, Luisa, me, Marlon and hovering at the back is Patrick. Taken at the UP Fair.
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| Got this from Will |
[16 Feb 2006|01:27am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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| Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real" | 
You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.
Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)
Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic
What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays
Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get |
It's so accurate, it's creepy. Yes, I may seem I'm "in love with love," but I absolutely hate it when someone tries too hard to be charming, is cheesy and is just plain bolero. I've dumped 2 guys because they resorted to flattery. I just can't take those kinds of tactics. It's so obvious. I'm torn between disgust and hilarity whenever someone tries too damn much without sounding the least bit sincere. Eww. I can't believe there are actually guys who make Pepe LePew look subtle.
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| Your Ex-Lover Is Dead |
[31 Jan 2006|04:33am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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Pure Morning- Placebo |
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It's almost 5:30 a.m. and I still can't sleep and surprisingly, still have Internet access.
Been downloading some songs. I'm one of those people who, when they hear a line or two of a song, snap to attention and say, "That! That's my life story right there." It doesn't matter if the entire song doesn't apply exactly. If there's a line or a stanza that will do, it's enough.
I was listening to "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" by Stars and zeroed in on this section:
"There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say"
There's only one man I know I can say this to and every line would be true. Others, I can't quite claim that "I'm not sorry there's nothing to say."
It sounds trite, but Alanis was right. "You live, you learn."
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| Effing spambots ate up my bandwidth |
[31 Jan 2006|01:52am] |
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mood |
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calm |
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Those sneaky monsters are everywhere! This time they caught me totally unaware as they took the backdoor Trackback route. I don't even allow Trackbacks.
So instead I take alternative ways to blog. Like this lj and Manila Metblogs, which I have an on and off thing with--mostly because I feel guilty for posting personal observations when everything else is mostly useful stuff like sales and show skeds and current events-type posts yet feel frustrated that there's not enough personal observations/rants and raves content like my fave Metblogs. But that's neither here nor there.
But while I'm on that topic, I find it sorta weird that the Metblogs I read happen to be the NY one, the Birmingham one, and once in awhile, the Tokyo one.
Reading the Tokyo Metblog is like watching the usual odd bit on the world news portion of local television news. It's full of weird news that can only happen in Japan. I particularly like it when the expats post.
The NY blog, for me, is just plain fascinating. NY is quite a character as far as cities go, and the bloggers who post about it are characters themselves. Some of them, I feel like I kinda know already just from reading their posts. As a non-local, those are actually the kind of posts I enjoy the most and when I hear the term city blogging, those are the kind of entries that come to mind--a-day-in-the-life type of posts.
Birmingham, I have no reasonable explanation for. Mark told me nothing interesting happens much in Birmingham. Judging from the entries, he's right on the money. I like peering into the ordinariness of their world. They talk about oil prices and traffic and city council updates. I still find it interesting though. I don't know why. Maybe it's the Anglophile in me, but if that's the case, how come I don't check out the London blog as often? (Ok, the fact that I prefer the Londonist might have something to do with it.)
Anyway, cities. Yeah. These days, I feel guilty if I post anything about Manila-living because I know I should be posting on the Manila blog more. So the tendency is to not tell Manila-living stories at all. Which makes the other blog even more of a Me, Me, Me blog than it usually is.
Not that this lj isn't.
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| Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now |
[28 Jan 2006|08:04am] |
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mood |
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miserable |
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Fuck all the things I can't articulate. My head would be a feminist-linguist's dream destination.
Sorry for going emo.
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| And once again... |
[12 Jan 2006|01:32am] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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Everyone's back in class, or has to work Mondays to Fridays, sometimes even halfday on Saturdays. I feel totally alone, with just my dog, the Internet, TV, and occasionally, my mom for company. I am an island. I don't want to be, yet here I am.
If I wasn't so worried about being broke soon, I'd be out and about town, even by myself. I can walk around Cubao and buy some zines, or get ingredients for chocolate-covered marshmallows (chocolate and marshmallows), or hunt for more interesting books that I will never get to read until 2007 at least at the rate my reading pile is growing over at National Bookstore. I can go to Quiapo and get my palm read or something by one of those hacks who also pray for people for a hundred pesos. Or I can go to Divisoria, buy some brilliant but useless knick-knack and start a new hobby.
Scratch that, I will never go to Divisoria by myself. I'll never find my way home.
Those expeditions are pretty cheap, actually. But I'd rather not spend on frivolous things at the moment. I can see it now...
Manghuhula: Mag-aaksaya ka ng pera ngayong araw. 100 nga pala ang bayad sa 'kin, ha?
And so I stay at home, feasting on leftover party food, chocolate kisses and Pringles. Not bad, really. At this rate, I just may find out what the ending of the Taiwanese soap "Frog Prince" is.
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